Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize