I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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