I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
