Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I understand Curling. That high.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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