You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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