I got chris browned last night
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
