It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
