Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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