We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
