Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
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he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
