my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
