I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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