I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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