How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
