We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
