He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
