I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
