Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
