Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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