So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
