so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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