I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
