5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
