I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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