Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize