okay pat passed out under dana's car
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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