I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
