Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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