i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I am naked and annoyed.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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