we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
