i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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