sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
