didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
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