I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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