when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
