non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
