I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
