Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
