Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
