...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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