i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm like, not good at living.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize