Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So. Much. Porn.
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