Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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