I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
