so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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