I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
