Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
