just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
