Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
