Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
