I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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