Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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