i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
