there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
