i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize