what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
