i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
