i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
