well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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