I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
