Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
