what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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