matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
