Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
