There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize