You're my little dorito
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize