I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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