My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
