conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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