I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so let's talk penis.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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