I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Ketchup is God's man juice
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize