Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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