My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
