I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
