Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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