xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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